I'm an orphan ...

Mom passed away in the afternoon, 4:58pm local time (7:58am PST) surrounded by all her children ... I was able to hold her during passing just like we promised ... I cried just like she told me I would ... but we let go because we were together in this moment no matter how difficult it was for each of us ...



I could have never choosen a better mom ... you didn't have an easy life but you have always unwaivering dedicated yourself to us and dad regardless of choices and options you had at the time ...



It was good knowing you for all those years ... love you and be loved by you ... forever ... I let you go ...



I'm crying ... but that will stop ... our love will continue ... celebrate your life ... you will be missed ...

* * *

Coincidental ... this loss comes exactly 6 months to the day my wife walked out on me ...

* * *

Mom was one of my biggest supporters of my passion for photography and desire to make art with it ... she wanted to know you all ...

Christmas Evening and Christmas

Celebrating friendship ... connecting to strangers ... just right ...

Thinking about mom ...

* * *

Traveling to Belgium with a heavy heart knowing the loss we will face ... crying at times but then remembering all the good memories and crying some more ...

Uneventfull flight ... it is Christmas day after all ...

Zipped through the airport in Brussels in 10 minutes ... brother in law is waiting to pick me up ...

We don't talk much ... I'm just wondering if I'll make it to the house in time ...

We do ... mom held on for all these days ...

Reconnecting with a friend ...

... through a blog ... what else ... ;-)

Meet Georges, and enjoy his blog on psychophysiology, EEG, clinical neuropsychiatry, signal analysis, Brain Computer interface and non linear dynamics.

I clearly remember the days that Georges, Guido, Johan, Pat and myself would become night owls and spend many hours designing and programming EEG and associated signal analysis equipment fueled by an abundance of coffee and cake ...

Georges is obviously familiar with "De Rode Ridder" (The Red Knight strips) and writes following in his email ...

PS ... wat mij bij al die dames wel opviel was dat ze so lijken weggelopen uit de vele episodes van de Rode Ridder ... Il n'y a pas de coincidence ...

Getting ready ...

... to travel to Belgium again ... talked to mom last Friday to let her know I'm on my way ...

The conversation was short ... painfully short.  She was obviously hurting ... she's shutting down ... on morphine ...

Be strong ... let go ...

Continued.

Seen on the streets of LA

Two images snapped on the street in LA ... color and form ... what else is there ?

These images were shot at night somewhere in the Olive and Fifth Street area

A security guard *had* to ask me to stop shooting ... I just ignored him ... he gave up ... this is also *my* street ...

monsieur A.

... is what Taylor Greer called me before the shoot ...

Now she calls me "Cookie" ... go figure ...

Taylor is great to work with ... looking forward to the next shoot ...

Life ..

... needs chivalry ...

Unfortunately ...

... I woke up in the 21st century ...

Where are the knights with open visor ?

Where are the ladies who know to wear colors ?

... Galaxia ...

... where did you flee ? ...

The Red Knight

Continued

My dungeon ...

My week in 11 lines ...

Solving business problems over the phone

Retouching images

Staying out of trouble

Working with the best

The very best

Shooting interaction

Thinking about mom

Travel, visiting my daughter Amarilla

Changing plans

Living a changed dynamic

Happy

Perfect Mind

Leave it up to Elley S to leave me some deep words on a Monday afternoon ... just sharing because I loved reading it

*   *   *

I am senseless and I am wise.

I am shame and I am boldness

I am strength and I am fear

I am compassionate and I am cruel

I am the hearing which is attainable to everyone

   and the speech which cannot be grasped.

I am the mute who does not speak,

   and great is the multitude of words.

*   *   *

I believe this is part of a larger work ...

Continued ...

Morgan and Matt in studio - Unretouched ...

Images straight out of the camera, just re-sized for the blog and a couple of black and white conversions.

Fun shoot for sure ... make-up and hair styling by Gabriela, friend of Morgan ... they both drove all the way from Sacramento.

Matt is a local San Francisco Bay Area model.

I use a two camera set-up which accounts for some of the color differences ...

*   *   *

Unexpected red-eye travel ... back on Tuesday ...

Friends

I cherish them ... I love them ... when a most important relationship in my life ended, I found out I had many more friends than I thought possible ... friends that understand the meaning of unconditional are great ...

*   *   *

Just talked to mom ... there are things you can't say often enough so I say them often rather than too little ... "I love you" is one of them.

*   *   *

Got my first Christmas card from the year ... knocked my socks off ... ;-) ... 

*   *   *

This week was a roller coaster ... so looking forward to next week ...

I love ...

... horses.

As a kid I grew up with a horse in one of the many stables of the carriage house we lived in ... located a stone throw from the castle of the count of Marnix de St. Aldegonde.

On occasion I got to ride it as taking care of the horse was one of my father's many duties.

My addiction to the Rode Ridder strips followed later by an emphatuation for everything Wild West didn't lessen my admiration for this beautiful animal.

I'll take any opportunity to photograph them and I'm absolutely thrilled by the many books of equine photography that are currently available.

I couldn't resist photographing the wooden horse in the Mingei International Museum in Escondido a couple of weeks ago.

All images were shot through glass windows at night ... only lighting used was the available tungsten light of the museum window display.

Images shot at ISO3200, totally possible on a D3 without noticeable noise.

This camera changed the way  I shoot.

Continued ...

A beautiful day ...

... sightseeing with Ankha along the I 1 while babbling Dutch ... from Aptos over Half Moon Bay and Pacifica to San Francisco ... great weather and what a surf ... 

Catching the blimp over San Francisco from the Marin Headlands and waiting on sunset while pondering synchronicity  ... priceless ... 

Love is ...

... going to the opera with a dear dear friend and crying your eyes out ... 

La Boheme, Puccini will do that ... an evening to never forget ...

Thanksgiving 2008

Thanksgiving 2008 was a different experience thanks to an invitation of NatLight Studios to participate in a city shoot ... and what it shoot it was !  Images below show me in action and are courtesy (c) of NatLight Studios. 

Model is Sarah Ellis, make-up by Lauren Warner.

It is inevitable to have a few funny things happening during a public shoot.  

First of all, our ad hoc "audience" was always very respectful and at no time were there any disturbances.

The shoot was always low key when children were in the neighborhood.

At times the crowd would applaud the model after the location session.

One young gentleman asked me if I would shoot him just when we were moving on to another spot.

I had given hem my business card and he called within 5 minutes to find out where the next shooting location was going to be ... ;-) ... we made a fan !

All had fun and we shot some top notch images.

No animals were harmed during this production ... (j/k)

Coincidence - Synchronicity

I have to much time on my hands on those long flights back from Europe ...

*   *   *

Most of us are familiar with coincidence ... the alignment of two or more events/circumstances without obvious causal connection.  

A coincidence does not prove relationship but there may be a higher level of probability.  Coincidences are inevitable from a statistical perspective and are often less remarkable than they may appear intuitively once you do the math.

Some (mostly followers of eastern philosophies) insist there is absolutely no coincidence in the world, that all that occurs can be related to a prior cause or karma no matter how vast or how minute or trivial the event is.

In all cases, you need our mind connecting two or more events, so without our mind, there's no coincidence ... the latter maybe a sobering thought for many ...

Enter "Synchronicity" ... the conceptual relationship of minds, also defined as relationships between ideas, structured in its own logical way.  The latter results in relationships which are not causal in nature.  Cause and effect occur together and these relationships can manifest themselves as simultaneous events that are meaningfully related in a larger framework than needed for a simple coincidence.

Jung seems to be the first one to describe synchronicity as "... the temporally coincident occurrences of a-causal events ..."

For me synchronicity is more of a "meaningful coincidence" where lives are parallel impacted by a-causal events in a non-trivial manner and without ever being able to prove these events wouldn't have existed or impacted us in the same way otherwise.

I believe a lot of our social, emotional and psychological experiences are governed by synchronicity rather than coincidence due to the probability in terms of causality.

*   *   *

My life seems to be governed by synchronicity rather than coincidence lately ... it doesn't matter in the end but it is intriguing to analyze and observe the undeniable impact on all lives touched ... it just can't be undone ...

Maybe continued ...

Unconditional

I set

You

free

because

I love

you

always

unconditionally

love me.

Snow and tears

We got hit on Sunday afternoon by a real snow storm ... at least by Belgian norms ... it didn't snow this early in the year for the last 15 or so. 

The kids had fun, car drivers were tested in their skills to stay afloat in the mess.

4 inches in a matter of an hour.  The image on the left is taken not too far from the house where I grew up between age 12 to 24 ... (yes, I'm still growing up ...)

There's a typical Flanders man made canal for flat boat transport.  It's hardly used anymore but it is a great place for a walk or a bike ride.  The trail goes on for miles, the canal runs between Ghent and Bruges.

After my sisters left with their kids, it was quiet time again for mom and me.  We talked some more about her upcoming challenges and I could clearly sense she was pushing away the pain.

Nevertheless ... she wanted to see my last photography work and she spend the better part of an hour to check out the latest.

Mom says "hi" to all of you ... you know who you are ... 

She woke me up at 4am this morning ... breakfast was ready ... coffee made ... just like in the old days before sending us off to school ...

We cried ... inside and outside ... 

Continued ...

Belgium

Arrived at my mom's place at 22h30 in the midst of a snow and rain storm ... she opened the door before I even got out of the car ... she just knows like she always does ... she's well ... extremely well for her condition ...

We talk about life and love ... cherishing these moments while we can still have them ...

Continued ...

Business Travel

Writing this from the Frankfurt airport where I'm waiting for my 4th flight in 50 hours on a total of 6 hours of sleep. It's called "business travel" for a reason ... lol

On my way to see mom and to catch some zzzz's ... it just started snowing here ... cold front from the North Pole moving in ...

Continued ...

Chocolate Review

Tried some chocolate I didn't have before ... just now realizing how spoiled I am with my Belgian chocolate upbringing ...

Dagoba - Mon Cherri Bar: nah ...

Dolfin  - Milk with Coffee; just edible ...

Dagoba - Roseberry Bar; nah ...

Perugina - White Chocolate; almost enjoyable ...

The typical problem, low quality cocoa butter masked with artificial flavors and some ground texture for the Mon Cherri, Roseberry and Milk with Coffee

The Perugina was almost good, just poor texture, too lean ...

Try at your own risk !

Continued ...

Carolin Sophie Lafleur

Graced my studio in July and I'm still working on some edits of her ... I have a hair fixation ... 

Carolin is European but resides in Canada and was traveling through California at the time.  All my expectations were met when working with this young model ... graceful, spontaneous and delicate poses with intensity ...

Continued ...

San Diego

Speaking on a conference and using the weekend to reconnect with San Diego and surroundings.  Meet Ankha and speak some Dutch again ... funny how quickly one looses vocabulary ... ;-)

Top to bottom, left to right

Sunset in La Jolla, Lavender Fields at Night on the French Bakery in Escondido

Chaos Art in La Jolla, Rocks in La Jolla Cove

Love is ...

... a dear friend picking you up at 6:3 am on Saturday morning to give you a ride to the airport ...

The road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

and sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had troden black;

Oh, I kept the first for another day !

Yet knowing how way leads onto way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

TWO roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-- Robert Frost (1916)

Thanks Elley for sharing...

Ankha, thanks for the editorial comments ... that makes a difference ...

Fortune Cookie

Front:

A real friend asks to spend time with you, not money ...

Back:

Very busy

*   *   *

I was very busy today ... and tomorrow I'll be busy too.

Continued.

LA Models - Jen

Still don't fully understand how I got involved in this shoot ... lol ... but hey ... it was super fun and it all worked out great.

Beautiful new location to work and I made a couple of new friends ... Model Jen was great to work with, she has a fabulous expression range with captivating eyes and mouth ... my focus was on beauty and tightly cropped head shots.  

Stephanie did a great MU job on location.  Not easy, there was a gusty wind at that time of the day.

Hannah, thanks for inviting me ... have a safe trip back to Brooklyn !

Continued ...

Backing up a failing hard drive RAID

Frustrating day to say the least ... trying to back up the images from my last photo shoots from the memory cards.

Drive not found ... 

USB hardware error ... 

My heart stops ... 

For a full 5 seconds ... 

Sinking feeling ...

Hold on ... wait a minute ...

My images are backed up on multiple RAID's ... each RAID has it's own single back up drive stored off site ... my last sync was last week ... so I'm good ... all the other images are still on the memory cards.

Tried the Firewire port from this particular RAID and that one seems to be working ... have access to the drives but need to back these up to another drive in case the electronics in this drive give up ... there's about 450 Gig of images on this one dual drive system ... hard drives are mirrored, but still ... it only takes one error to wipe it all out ...

Copying this drive to another one is going to take about 11 hours ... set back ... nothing much else to do ... the nightmare of data back up and keeping it all synced and up to date

I'm breathing again ...

*   *   *

The good news is that my print order will be shipped out tomorrow

Continued

The Lioness Den - Part Two

Having fun ...

First time meet ...

Bonding ...

From left to right ...

April

Sarah

Carly

Susie

I can climb the wall in boots ...
Susie is bouldering 20 feet up ...

Sarah climbing the wall ... no boots ...

We made it up there ... top of the world !

Never turn your back on goofballs ... they might stick their tongue out and flash you ...

The Lioness Den ...

4 Lionesses basking in the sunset light ...

Having fun ...

Ms Susie B - Part Two

Susie had invited me to tag along on her shoot with NatLight Studios on Saturday afternoon, the day after Halloween.

The photographer had OK'ed it and Lauren Warner was going to do the make up.

It is hard to resist an invitation like this ... exploring a new studio, meeting new people and watching a model and make-up artist I love working with.

It was raining like hell, the first major rainstorm in the Bay Area of this Fall ... traffic was light, no issues to reach the Cotton Mill Studios.

NatLight Studios came up with a great concept and had indeed hired the right make up artist to pull this off.  As soon as I saw the sketches Lauren had made for the NatLight Studios idea my eyes lit up  ... wow ... lol ... what a concept ...  what a ghostly creation ...

During the make-up transformation we had plenty of opportunity to talk shop and to get to know each other ... nothing more fun than exchange stories and talk photography techno-babble while backdrops and lights are readied ...

A couple of minutes in the shoot Jim invited me to shoot along ... my heart skipped a couple of beats but this is something you don't have to ask me twice ... 

I'm very grateful for this opportunity ... needless to say that this was a fun shoot ... the images speak for themselves ...

Thanks Jim ... Life is good !

*   *   *

That afternoon I also had the opportunity to meet Craig Morey.  He's one of my inspirational photographers and I'm well aware of his work as I purchased a few of his photography books in the past and I subscribe to his newsletter.  I especially like his classy B&W art nudes and the light bondage photographs ... all about female beauty.

I actually tried to attend one of his workshops in late 2005, well before I started photographing models, but I missed the boat ... hopefully Craig will set up some new workshops in the near future ...

All by all, a great afternoon and evening ... time well spend with new friends ...

Continued ...

Ms Susie B - Part One

Today was a full day of shooting with Susie.  We started out early in the morning with some location fine art work in the Fremont hills.  

The weather was not cooperative, lighting was difficult but nevertheless we got some great images.  Susie's pale skin and red hair stood out against the dark tree hollows.

I've been fighting focussing problems on my camera for a while.  Yesterday it became clear that I couldn't live with it any longer.  I intended to ship this one off to Nikon for a repair quote ...

Today he aperture got stuck often in the close position after having serious issues focussing anything on my 28-70mm F2.8 lens.  This lens is simple worn out, the zoom ring rubber is totally distorted ... shipping this one off to Nikon Service first thing on Monday morning.

After switching my D3 off after a magnificent natural light beauty shot series during the first morning shoot, I got the dreaded fEE error in the display.  I had to put my 105mm F2.0 DC lens on my D3 and put my 18-70mm kit lens on my D2x to continue the rest of the shooting of the day.

We headed to Half Moon Bay for brunch and some beach shooting after cleaning off the Fremont Hills mud and cow pie from our boots.

Overcast weather and great waves resulted in quite a few breath taking shots.

The beach was pretty much deserted but we did get some onlookers from a safe distance who simply wanted to see how hard the waves would bite us ... and they did ...

Susie braved the cold water and was totally in her element, this New Mexico model is not afraid to get wet at all ... she's totally professional and will do anything to get the shot ... including getting her favorite dress trashed in the ocean ...

I'm no stranger to taking some risk either and the shot at the left looks the way it does  because the wave went totally over me ... these three shots all happened in the same split second as I was shooting at 5 frames/second.

Definitely not recommended with a non-weather proof camera.  Since this is the second time a wave washes over me and my equipment, time to acquire a waterproof shooting bag for this type of adventures ...

After this shot series we drove back to the studio and topped the day off with a lingerie / pin-up shoot followed by Hollywood beauty.

Continued ...